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Chefs without a cause

 
Celebrity chefs all over the world are seeking the next "big cause" following the "success" of Jamie's school dinners and Hugh Firmly-Twitingly's "Chicken Out" campaign.

Celebrity chefs have been quick to note that Jamie Olivers sustained campaign to increase the amount spent on primary school childrens dinners from 0.3 pence to 15 pence per meal has gained the lisping prat much needed kudos. The campaign is widely noted to have increased the calorific value of school childrens meals to 2,000 kcal, due to fact that most of them nip to the chippie instead now.

Following Jamie's commercial success, weeping animal-killer Hugh Firmly-Twitingly has launched a campaign to free chickens from imprisonment, mainly targeting the town of Axminster, famous for its chicken-feather weave carpets.

Lately, a group of disgruntled chefs, leaping onto the bandwagon, have called for the banning of all commercially caught fish and seafood, with the not-very-catchy "Prevent Processing for Prawns" campaign headline.

Chefs without a cause are now seeing a slump in restaurant takings and a lack of invites onto "Ready Steady Cook."

Gordon Ramsay has commented,"I'm commercially viable because I swear, That's my f*cking gimmick, mate. That leaves me out in the cold. I can hardly start a "Save Our f*cking School Dinners" campaign, can I? I've been hoping that the Shag bird will become endangered, otherwise my agent has suggested saving pregnant fish in the Gordon Ramsay Loves Tw*t campaign".

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