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crazychef
crazychef

Humble pie....

message posted 07-Jun-09 00:03:44
HUMBLE PIE…..

Hey……Big love…..
Cannot go around all despondent and looking for tomato and potato tops…..crickey!
So…… as I was saying a while back…sold the restaurant and the Deli three years ago…..and was looking forward to travel the world, see Mexican and Japanese totty….taste the South Pole….and all my plans were in order…..hoping to cook and eat myself silly all over……
Read backlash from divorce…..
And then there was this sweet chap came in every so often during our last month…and he spoke well…charming little warzock…lots of delicious tongue pie..(with hindsight!!!)….and he’s like….Çome over see my house!

Like fuck!

Never been propositioned by a man before, except when on a stag do in Brighton and they all converged on the bar, and all these 250 lb bench pressing neat fucks all pressing up on us…finely toned muscles, rippling T-shirts…nipples with hooks and huge horse rings and bits…tight butt clenching PVC trousers…yeah…..you tell me, what was I doing in that pub????? We legged it!!
All a part of life…

I ignore the request to go see the house…he comes back in another three times over two weeks….
As you do…we are now mates, on first name terms…he mentions Martin Blunos….and a few other west Country chefs….he’s on mate terms with them.
Bear in mind I thoroughly detest guys that drop chef names….to impress…each one is an individual…we all cook amazing in our own eyes and so says our egos…so I am already bristling with resentment…I turn up to the house….and I had to stop for five…to get my breath back!!! Fuckin Amazing!
Half mile drive…on red tarmarc…regal…beautiful fucking house….
Fabulous tour all around…and then he drops the bomb….What do you think?
Well nice. Beautiful! (heyDo you guys wanna see the house?)
Well, What do you think?
Of what?
Could you cook here?
I shit myself! Colour drained off me. He said I looked like a ghost!
Now that’s kind of difficult coz you see I am very very dark…darker than the middle of the night…-no honky jokes here!!!!-I give as good as I get, got broad shoulders….massive!!!!!

That’s not all…he’s got more to show me…we jump into his huge 4X4..and drive for half an hour…we are all breathing funny, in short gasps, excitement, adrenalin….he’s only gone and bought Wardsworth’s (Old English Poet, big name…!)house in the South West….with all the best views in the world…beautiful gardens with attachment from English Heritage…..ooooooh you wouldn’t believe it! And you couldn’t either!

So, this is the next phase…he says…all this land, we’ll get you a gardener…all your own crop. Every single bit…..your own herd of beef….your own flock of sheep…your own woods full of deer…on a bad day. Come srumping for mushrooms..I am looking at all the wild foliage….and seriously getting a wood….I have never been bigger…!!!!
And I said, ‘fuck me! Motherfkr..’
He said, ‘that too!’

I let that one go…..I can take a joke….

Remember I am off to travel the world shortly…and the resident Spanish crumpet is wetting herself with anticipated excitement….

One thing leads to another…as it does…I get my people, he gets his people…we sit and talk…figures are bandied…everyone is on a high…so much testosterone…could have flown a rocket on it!!!

This takes all of five months…my travel tickets are lost someplace…the Spanish is well pissed off…I’m on nookie rations again(she was a nymph…and guys, that’s not a good thing…snigger all you want….but when a nymph gets going…fuck it!! I would chaff and burn…and I thought I was King dong, King Dick…the male nymph…what’s the word? K-man knows everything….help…!!)

The smell of money……no wonder the world is fucked up!

By November, we are in…cooking tentatively for the BBC crew filming some stupid series on single mums having a hard time coping in a mansion…you would have caught it on BBC 3 two Mays ago…I have invested well in the project coz it is a future…his trust in us is implicit…..a few friends said not to!
I said they were envious…..did not want astounding success for me…
I ploughed in my savings, my proceeds from the sale of the restaurant….my travel money…(the Spanish has left in disgust…I didn’t care was onto a winner, wasn’t I?)

First invoice…..
Three weeks late, and not even all paid…staff wages paid for from my savings….
Second invoice…….
Four weeks late, and then, only half paid…..got to pay suppliers and staff from my pocket…aint fuckin bottomless…..!!!
S-H-I-T!!!!!!
Demand full settlement before we proceed…

I have over time to read people…suddenly there was no longer the eye contact…there was no longer the-I wanna slip you the pork sword look….-, the banter dried up…access had to be by appointment only….FUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKK!!!!!!

Hell on earth…..

All deals we had agreed on they reneged….refused to pay up…suppliers are knocking, threatening…and all were my mates….like you take your mates to the bull slaughter and ball…as you do!!! I end up losing good friends, suppliers, all customers that would brag about knowing a chef that came to eat with them every Sunday suddenly stopped ringing…and your world falls from underneath you….Hence bailiffs, county courts, and etc…Humble pie…eats well…!!!!

They called my bluff to cease working there by February if they did not pay up…..

In the courts, hey…laugh out loud, it’ll help with the bitterness…..small claims only gets you 5k tops….I was looking for twenty times as much…still got staff to pay…they quit stable jobs to come with us…..the requirement that the defendant can ask you to make as down payment estimated costs…the sum equivalent to your and their costs…is perfectly legal! How the hell can you if you’ve lost all your money?
Any which way you look you are stuffed!!
That is why I have a thing about the legality of the law…in every which way…the law is in place to fuck up the law abiding…look around you….hoodlums and asbo freaks for a start…don’t get me started on pensions, pay-offs.., expenses…and tax…..

I bailed out quick! Too much energy would have been wasted….



Then hooked up with buddy no 2. My best Mate…..



crazy chef
tcapper
tcapper
message posted 08-Jun-09 09:29:57
Three words




THE PRIORY CLINIC
Kitchen Bitch
Kitchen Bitch
message posted 08-Jun-09 11:50:50
CrazyChef

I am at a Loss for words. No scratch that, Im Lost !


On a brighter less confused side I found a great article for us female chefs.
http://www.chefsworld.net/news_details.asp?NewsID=...


Bitch
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